A few months ago, I was talking to my mom on the phone about Thanksgiving, and in passing I said, “Well, I’m pescatarian now, so let’s just make sure there is stuff I can eat.”  Her response was a confused, “Oh, so what do they believe?”  “Not Presbyterian!  Pescatarian!  A vegetarian who will eat fish!  I didn’t change religions.  I don’t even know what, exactly, a Presbyterian is!”

This was a pretty simple change for me.  I already refused to eat meat from the bone.  I rarely ate red meat.  If I saw a vein, tendon, or any resemblance to a once living creature while eating, I couldn’t eat it.  If a restaurant had a fish tank, I had to make sure I wasn’t sitting where I could actually see it, because I couldn’t look at a living animal while I ate another one.  I had been a vegetarian once when I was younger, but it was hard to get protein, and I don’t love tofu, plus excessive soy has its own problems due to excessive estrogen, so I just tried not to think about it.  Especially because I am a busy girl and I really didn’t know how I would be able to eat conveniently on the go if I wasn’t able to grab some chicken nuggets in a pinch.  Still, every time I would have reason to think about where my food came from when I was eating meat, I felt very guilty.

I don’t know how a girl who grew up in rural Utah with an avid hunter for a dad (we have antelope, deer, and elk heads in the garage) developed this guilt issue.  I give partial blame to Disney.  All their singing, happy animals with human feelings.  Why would you want to eat any of them?!  Especially when you can hear Bambi’s little voice echo “Mother?  Mother?”  I also blame growing up in an agrarian community, where I could see little cows, pigs, and sheep born every spring.  Do not get me started on veal!  The last portion of the blame I place solely on my self and my melting heart for animals as well as my ability to give feelings to all objects, even inanimate ones (I eat my cinnamon bears and skittles in twos, because I don’t want them to get lonely in my tummy).  As much as you may want to argue that animals and food do not have feelings, I just can’t quite convince myself.  Plus, I’d rather err on the safe side and not hurt an animal (and not have lonely skittles in my tummy) than kill them (or eat an odd number).

I came across pescatarianism one day, and within a week, I was converted.  I didn’t do a grand change-over or last supper of roasted flesh.  I just decided that choosing to not eat meat was the best thing for me and on a random Tuesday, stopped.  So to explain why I eat fish?  Well, I still feel guilty.  I do love Finding Nemo.  I needed a good source of protein, for one.  For another, most fish, contrary to what Nemo portrays, actually don’t even know who their parents are.  Sure, they live in little ecosystems like schools or coral reefs, but they don’t really have feelings.  I am also very particular on what fish I will eat.  If it is a shark, for example, I definitely won’t be eating it.  It probably has feelings and it definitely is smart.  However, if it is a shrimp, well, those are basically the bugs of the ocean and I don’t feel bad eating bugs.  I also try to eat fish that is either responsibly farmed or fished.  Long line fishing kills all sorts of ocean wild life, and I don’t want to support that.  I know, it doesn’t make a lot of sense, and I will probably eventually find a day where I stop eating fish, but until I learn how to get protein from another source, I figure starting with the major animals and working my way down to the little ocean bugs, it is at least a start.

I’m not going to start joining PETA rallies or even try to convince anyone else to stop eating meat.  For me, your choice of values you choose to live your own life by is completely personal.  Part of my personal value system happens to be that animal consumption makes me feel guilty.  I don’t judge anyone who doesn’t agree or feel the same.  If you make me dinner and forget to omit the meat, I’ll even just pick around it, because it was nice of you to cook for me!  This is just a great choice for me.  Since I quit eating meat, I have been sick less (probably because I eat more vegetables, fruit, and whole foods now), feel healthier, and actually get more satisfaction from my food and eat less.  Apparently, my body likes this way of eating, too!  So, call me a hippy or whatever you want, but that is why I won’t be joining you on your next visit to Pat’s BBQ.  Plus, when McDonald’s announces things like “We will no longer be putting pink slime in our meat products,” I won’t have to worry because I didn’t eat it in the first place!