A couple of weeks ago, my friend Erika and I were talking about things we should do before we turn 30. Yes, believe it or not, I will be 30 in December.  That means that I have just a few months to do all those stupid things that you can then look back and excuse by saying, “Eh, I was in my twenties.”  So, I found a list of 50 things you HAVE to do before you are 30.  Let’s see how well I’m doing. I bolded and put a ✓ next to the ones I have done to make it easier to scroll through, as it is a LONG list. (I would like to note that I had to figure out how to code a ✓ as well, which I will now ✓ off as an accomplishment, since code is not something I ever thought I would figure out how to do.)

1. Have a really stupid accident which necessitates a hospital visit ✓
This has happened a few times for me. Probably one of the more notable would be when I decided to ride a motor scooter through the Belmont parking lot in Provo while wearing high heels. Let it be written that I told them it would end with me crashing. I panicked, forgot where the breaks were, and ended up flipping, splitting my eye open and with plenty of road rash.
2. Shoot something ✓
I don’t like guns, and killing something is not high on my bucket list. However, I did get talked in to shooting a gun on a camp out a few years ago, and I did murder an aluminum can. So if you find yourself waking up as the Tin Man, be afraid… be very afraid!
3. Take a weekend break more than 1000 miles from home
1000 miles requires longer than a weekend. Not worth the torture of the drive, otherwise.
4. Boot Linux on your home PC
Boota whata?
5. Get lost in a country where you don’t speak the language ✓
I can thank my mom for this… Taking us all on what will forever go down as The Great Walk in Puerto Vallarta, and why none of us will ever follow her anywhere outside of Annabella again.
6. Spend more than your monthly income on a pocket sized gadget
7. Post bail for a friend
I’m the only one of my friends that I know of who has been arrested.
8. Break a really large plate glass window
9. Make a parachute jump on a hangover
H to the no. PETRIFIED of heights.
10. Use a whole roll of gaffa tape in one day
11. Make a pointless modification to your house
12. Neck a pint of peppermint oil
What does this even mean?
13.Nearly hook up with a shemale by mistake (but realize in time…)
Really? I’d be shocked if any girl could pose as a guy that I would actually be attracted to. I have a hard enough time finding guys I like, let alone girls dressed as guys. Definitely not my thing.  I don’t find this a rite of passage, I find this a rite of stupidity after probably way too much to drink.  It’s pretty obvious.
14. Buy a samurai sword
Am I a 12 year old boy?
15. Delay paying a bill until the summons arrives ✓
Yep! I still do delay paying my phone bill every month. It just bugs me for some reason.
16. Destroy a speed camera
17. Refill an inkjet cartridge
18. Say something obscene on national television
Oh believe me! If I had ever been on National Television, I would totally say something naughty!
19. Do a J turn in order to beat somebody to a parking space ✓
I went to BYU. Cougars don’t cut corners, but they sure do cut to park!
20. Break a sledgehammer
Suggestions on how this could be accomplished? This just sounds like awesome bragging rights.
21. Make a bomb
I made a volcano… does that count? I am not a violent person
22. Smash a CRT
23. Require medical treatment as a consequence of kinky sex gone wrong (STDs don’t count.)
Ew.
24. Tip a waiter with something other than money
NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! This makes me want to write a strongly worded letter to the author of this list
25. Light a fire with petrol ✓
26. Kidnap someone
27. Park inside a motorway service station
28. Own a convertible.
29. Live abroad.
This I really should do before I am 30… Suggestions on locale?
30. Drive at more than 140mph ✓
The drive between Provo and Annabella is a long one. I used to drive like a maniac and get home in an hour. Then, I got smart.
31. Get something for free through a masterpiece of complaining ✓
Like 20 Motorola RAZR phones because mine kept breaking when I had one.
32. Give yourself a mains electric shock ✓
Is that when you accidentally touch the metal prong of the plug while it is in the wall? I have done that several times. It’s not fun.
33. Completely dismantle an object larger than yourself ✓
A bed. That isn’t exciting, though. I have replaced a toilet, but it’s not larger than me.
34. Total a car
35. Fall asleep and get really hilarious sunburn ✓
36. Get drunk on Absinthe
37. Stay up all night listening to a girl have an emotional crisis ✓
I have had roommates for over 10 years. This is a way of life.
38. Lick the terminals of a 9 volt battery ✓
Is this a list of things I did before I turned 10?
39. Take part in motorsport
40. Stay at the office for more than 24 hours
I’d rather die. No job should require this. Ever.
41. Set off a fire extinguisher ✓
42. Drive at least 600 miles in a day on two lane roads ✓
43. Hotwire a car
44. Watch all the Monty Python films In one sitting
45. Shag an ex-boyfriend by mistake
46. Dial 911 ✓
The last time I called 911 was when I saw a pig speeding towards me on the freeway. Yes, a pig on the freeway. That is just not ok!
47. Commit a faux pas which means that a friend will never speak to you again ✓
I constantly stick my foot in my mouth. I’m sure I have done this and don’t even realize it.
48. Make a bet you couldn’t afford to lose ✓
Bad idea to go to Wendover when you are uneployed, but I did once.
49. Read a 500 page book in one sitting ✓
It shocked me, too!
50. Escape a perfectly justified parking ticket. ✓
I’ve gotten out of twice as many tickets as I have been issued, and I have been issued a lot! Tears don’t work. Putting your hands clearly where the cop can see them, turning your dome light on if it is dark, and admitting guilt usually works better.

So I guess 20 out of 50 isn’t too bad… Honestly, after reading all of those things, I don’t know that I even WANT to do all of them in my life.  Ever.  Any suggestions on things I should add to the list in the next few months?  The clock is ticking!