First, I am NOT a femi-nazi.  I don’t identify with Gloria Steinem, and I think men and women need each other WAY more than fish need bicycles.  Even if you’re gay, you at least need both genders to either create a child or to have been created yourself.  That being said, this post is very female oriented, so SORRY!  I’m sure dudes can glean something from this, but if you’re sensitive about strong women, then you may want to just not read my blog.  Like ever.

Now that I’ve got that piece of business out of the way… Ladies, we need to talk.  I am doing this little intervention out of love.  Trust me.

I understand.  Movies, music, books, magazines… They all want us to need a man’s approval.  Whether it is praising us for having big butts, shoving Sarah Jessica Parker at us as a modern and flawed role model (who, by the way is an abnormally tiny human), or telling us to use our bodies for any attention we feel we deserve, the general theme is, you will be worthwhile when a man finally loves you.  Prior to that, there will always be something wrong with you.  There will always be something missing.  It would be great if they only stopped there.  However, they don’t.  A man doesn’t love you unless he wants to ravage you at all times.  He doesn’t care what you think.  He only wants you to look like a perfect, well manicured, porcelain doll with the abs of a Victoria Secret model and the lips of Angelina Jolie.  If your porcelain is cracked in any way, you’re not going to be loved.  The question is, do you really believe everything you see, read, and listen to?  So do you still believe that a giant yellow bird lives in a place called Sesame Street, Donald Trump has a full head of cotton candy hair, and every time you talk about a dream you had, everyone else sees wavey lines and hears a little song?

I’m not trying to belittle your intelligence by saying that.  I am trying to point out that in many ways, you are already belittling your own.  I can’t tell you how many times I have sat with a friend in tears because they don’t think something about them is good enough.  They aren’t thin enough, they are too flat or too full, they are too blonde, they are too brunette, they aren’t pretty enough, they are too intimidating, they put on a few pounds and quit getting attention, or they took off a few and still don’t get the attention they wanted.  NONE of those are the problem.  Your real problem is, you don’t love yourself.

I’m not telling you that you need to shirk your razor and start wearing baggy t-shirts and gym shorts to love yourself.  I’m telling you that you need to love what is and make attainable goals to fix things you don’t like that you can change and learn to accept things that you can’t.  Obviously, you should definitely wear clothes that flatter your figure, brush your hair and teeth, and keep your body healthy.  Those are all ways that you can show your self a little love.  But seriously, quit letting other people with fickle minds and fickle hearts decide your worth.

I have been the fat girl, the skinny girl, the pretty girl, the awkward looking girl, the girl with lots of friends, the lonely girl, the best dressed, the worst dressed, the girl with the boyfriend and the third wheel.  I know exactly how all of those things can make you feel. If you can love yourself, none of that matters.  You realize that you are who you are, and that person is pretty great, and that great person will end up on the other side of whatever issue you are facing as an even better person.  Nothing like self love can make you more attractive to the people who are worth having in your life.  You will have the ability to light up a room and light up your life.  So please, take a good hard look in the mirror and start loving yourself.  For reals.