To All The Men I’ve Loved Before

1103419This is a love story about not being in love.  “But the title says, To All The Men I’ve Loved Before.  What do you mean it is about not being in love?”  you ask.  Well, because I have loved many a man without actually wanting to jump their bones and vice versa.  Here’s their stories.

As I was getting ready today, I was listening to Robyn.  Ya, she’s that Swedish popstar that everyone thought disappeared back in the 90’s.  She’s actually still making music, and great music at that.  I 100% think that Miley stole her haircut, and not Pink’s as everyone thinks.  She’s really fun to sing and dance to in the shower.  The song “Hang With Me” is one of my favorites.  Here, have a listen while you read the rest of my post.

As I listened to it, I thought of all my favorite guys I have ever had the pleasure of hanging with.  Oh how I love each and every one of you in a strictly platonic way!

My mom always joked that, while my sister Rachel dated many a boy, I just became their best friend.  I really did.  Some of my favorite memories are with my sister’s old boyfriends.  There were a few of her many boys that I didn’t like, but most of them, I loved!  Don’t feel sad for me, like my sister always got the guy I wanted. Trust me… Our “types” don’t really cross… But Blakey, Moke, Jeff, Brandon, Bradley, (actually, she dated a lot of guys through the years that I loved, so I probably shouldn’t start listing) I love my memories with you!  Then, of course, the one who won her heart in the end, the J Bird.  Let’s just say I’m the favorite in-law for a reason.  We have mastered the distract and conquer maneuver for getting what we want!

My college guy friends… Oh how you saved me many times!  Poor Nick and Lauren had to listen to my incessant complaining about my relationships.  Luckily, it wasn’t all about my very troubled love life.  Nick helped me build my knowledge of great film and an appreciation for dark humor as we would have our weekend “double features.”  Lauren and I had the most fun freaking out poor innocent BYU students with our dirty jokes that we could bounce so effortlessly off of one another.  I loved being the wing-woman who also played a little bit double agent while he wooed his wife, Carolyn.  Sweet Kyle would drag me to church, even though I hated going.  Lance, my favorite optimistic pessimist.  Someday I think I am going to find out that the show Dexter was based on him.  Lance and Lauren also helped me gain quite the vocabulary of less offensive ways to say very offensive deeds… Which is endlessly entertaining!  Who comes up with those deeds, let alone what they are called?!  They all married great girls, except for Lance.  He’s still single, so if you are an 18 year old girl with Asian heritage and the chest of a 12 year old boy, let me know.  He’d love to take you out, but only if you’re not from Utah!

Post college, I have a few guys I’ve been able to hang with that I love as well!  Andrew keeps me in check as my spiritual guide, who is also an attorney at law, should I need a quick legal question answered.  Steve Joel of the Bearded Baird, helps me see my inner hypocrite, but also embrace my inner hippy and artist.  It’s all very cerebral yet silly… Clarky, who has been unfriended and refriended because of his own interpretation of humor, is the most blunt person I know.  If you need an answer to a hard question that nobody dares tell you the answer to, he’s the one to break the hard news with a jolly joke!  There’s my male-mirror-reflection, Aaron.  He’s definitely more patient than me, but also more devious… Like when he thinks of the naughtiest things to tease about!  However, there’s rarely a childhood story or opinion that I’ve shared with him where he hasn’t had a similar situation on his side of the looking glass.  Bret, who I love to annoy, and loves to annoy me back.  He helps me realize my passion for design, but also with the looming threat of sending me to China, or worse, back to the bug infested hotel we stayed at in Portland.  Cheap as he may be on the room front, we eat amazing food, and he’s not too bad of a travel companion.

I feel like if I keep listing, I will surely miss someone and I don’t really want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  Then again, these are guys that I am talking about… They probably aren’t even reading my blog.  The Superbowl is in 2 weeks!  What are the analysts saying?!   Regardless, I’m so happy I have had great men in my life who I can call friends!  Thanks for letting me be the Tinkerbell to your Peter Pan!  Sorry… a more dude-friendly equivalent is escaping me… plus you all know how I love the Tinkerbell, so any comparison I can make to myself, I’ll take.  And if you were omitted, just look at it this way.  These men know too much about me and will have to be “dealt with” when I become President, so your omission is more of a pardon, anyways.


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