Mr. Good For Now

Holy Guacamole!  It’s been FOREVER!  No, I did not forget about my little bloggy.  I have had a bit more of a life that has left me just too tired for wit.  I know.  Freaking miracle! One thing that happened this summer was that I actually had a little mini-relationship.  Literally, blink and you missed it.  Only a very small handful of people even knew about it.  Partly because I’m SUPER private about such things, and also because my family likes to torment me too much and so I don’t tell them.  It’s their own fault that they don’t know (just think back to when I was in high school and all your teasing, and blame yourselves).  The other part is that I don’t like to talk about such things until I firmly know which way they are going to go.  So, now that it has officially run its course, it can be the topic of my “back-in-the-swing-of-things” blog.  This one is written explicitly for my single friends and acquaintances.  The rest of you probably will be bored with it.  Don’t worry.  I’m sure there will  be some CoCo sass coming at you soon enough.  There is always some bee that finds its way into my bonnet.  Don’t you fret!

Towards the first of the summer, I decided that I wanted to date more.  So, I did!  I was reminded why I don’t love dating.  There are a LOT of crazies out there.  However, I was able to glean something quite great.  It was a relationship with someone who was perfect, absolutely perfect, for me at this point in my life.  Now, the reason why this is more for my single friends is this.  Just because a relationship may not be the one, and it may have an end, does not mean it needs to be tragic and leave you with some issue or major baggage.  It can be perfect for you.  So here’s what I needed to learn from this relationship.

Relationships can and should be easy.  As strange as this probably sounds, I really haven’t had a simple relationship.  There’s always something complicated.  With some, they have been BEYOND complicated.  I’m talking Jerry Springer level of drama.  People who didn’t know me during certain relationships are shocked and amazed when I tell them just how daytime-television my life got at one point.  I got to a point where I thought it was surely me that was causing such havoc in my personal life.  This relationship proved to me that I am not the problem and that drama and relationships are not synonymous.  From beginning to end, and to end, and to end again (Ok, yes, I’m still not good at the hard break), this was the easiest thing I have ever done, and I am happy to say that we parted ways knowing that we don’t work, but that we really respect and like each other as individuals.  That’s a drastic contrast to past relationships I have had.

Obsession, flattering as it may be, is not healthy.  He and I had busy schedules.  This kept us from being able to see a lot of one another. I don’t do well with smothering, and he didn’t either.  We just squeezed time in whenever we could, and it was great when we were able to see one another.  Unrealistic obsessions with being with the other person at all times and rearranging everything in your lives to make that happen only breeds resentment and contention.  At least in the early dating phases.  I understand it to an extent later in the relationship, but again, why add the drama?

Talking about your feelings is not necessary.  I know, I know.  I need to learn to talk about my feelings.  As open as I am on my blog, unless you’ve tried to talk to me about my feelings, you probably don’t know how much I HATE talking about things like that.  I feel incredibly awkward, and it has been a problem in past relationships.  Well, this one was so easy that we didn’t ever have to have a sit down conversation, DTR, whatever you want to call it.  We just let things be.  Then, when it was done it was a simple conversation, and it was finished.  Because the lack of Shakespearean flair was already established, there was no reason to end things that way.

Don’t judge someone immediately on whether you will like them or not.  I actually have never liked any of the guys I dated seriously at first sight.  In fact, the person who I probably loved the very most I thought was all ears and teeth, too skinny and tall, and dressed like a grandpa.  So, really, I already knew this fact, but this past relationship just reinforced this to me.  When this latest guy got my number, I thought… “Meh…”  But, over time, the more I got to know him, the more he was probably one of the more interesting people I have dated.  As soon as I assumed left, he told me right.  It kept things engaging, and honestly, the things I thought I wouldn’t like about him became more endearing.  Now, even though he is not in my scope, I know that people similar to him in certain ways could actually be potential love matches.  Considering he was nothing like anyone I had dated in the past, it definitely opened up the realm of possibilities.

So, for my single friends, give different people a chance and don’t turn it into a drama.  You could be pleasantly surprised by Mr. Good For Now and what he will teach you.  Who knows, maybe someday a Mr. Good For Now will turn in to Mr. Always and Forever.  But how about we stop letting the old relationships ruin future relationships and just find the great things that they can teach us for the future.  Baggage is not attractive.  Unless, of course, it’s that of Louis Vuitton.

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